Making Beds

I get up every morning at 5:15am. Even the days, like today, when I have no reason to force myself into the jaws of another day, I get up. On the occasion I am traveling or back home at my mom’s, I will sleep in for a bit, but to see the clock roll past 7am is a sin for me. I am not sure when I started getting up early, but I am an early bird by nature, and this irritates some people. I suppose I read about the “power of morning rituals” somewhere and thought to give it a try, only to realize later it was something I already do out of habit. I should probably work at a donut shop.

I have a silly structure to my mornings. I think it helps my Neandrathal brain slowly emerge from the hibernation of my cave and into the light of society. I have a full glass of water by bed that I chug like a college student on penny beer night. I think I also read somewhere how much water we lose at night and we should properly rehydrate before we pour copious amounts of coffee down our throats. 

Now for the most important part of my morning. Making the bed. Books have been written on the importance of making or not making a bed. Divorces have occured and I am sure a couple world wars have started over this simple little act. To make or not to make (your bed), that is the question.

You want to ask a perfect ice breaker question, and I do mean perfect, ask someone if they make their bed. What you would think to hear is a simple yes or no answer, but you won’t. We live in a world where people like to explain things, and defend themselves.  You will get a full on essay about human behavior by the person you ask, and they will justify why they do what they do, and why you should too.

I make my bed. I can’t think of too many times I don’t, unless I am washing the sheets. To me making my bed sets the tone for the entire day. I live in a crazy world where a 6 year old rationalizes the importance of eating cereal at every meal. I deal with patients that lie to me face to face about what they have and have not been doing. The only true control of anything I have in this world is whether my bed is made or not. And I take what little morsel of control I can get.

I don’t do military precision on my bed making, but I do think I could probably work at a Hyatt as their head bed maker. Sheets have to be pulled taut. Then the cover sheet. Pillows placed semi neatly at the base of the head board, and the edges somewhat lined up evenly with the floor. I am not OCD, but I like some order. You ask anyone that does make their bed, and they will also give you the finer points of what their process is. I call these people civilized.

And then you have the other group. The “I’m just going to mess it up later again anyway” group of people. We shall call them Savages. These are the people that rationalize the not making of the bed, and as much as I love to hear the wordsmiths try to conjure up an actual reason, their points are often silly and without merit. These people must be stopped.

You are one of those people aren’t you? I just upset you and you are, right now, thinking of the perfect response as to why you don’t make your bed. Aren’t you?

Like I stated earlier, this is the perfect ice breaker question. Simply because you really have two options, yes or no. And even if the person you are talking to is a fellow maker or non maker, you now have an ally on your side. 

“Do you make your bed?”

“Why yes, yes I do”

“I do too, can you believe people actually don’t make their beds?”

“OMG, these people irritate me so much”…Blah blah blah

And now you have a new friend. But if the opposite occurs, you have just started a very wonderful conversation with someone. See, it’s a lot safer than talking about religion or politics, and you get to actually know something about someone. Plus it leads to a whole other category of questioning.

“Do you make your bed”

“Why no I don’t, I don’t see the point really”

“Do you eat with your hands too?”

“What?”

“Savage”

I make my bed. I like to start the morning with small goals that I can check off a list. 

Water: check

Bed made: check 

Coffee made: check check check check

Save the world: pending….

So where are you? Do you make your bed? Do you have a good reason to or not too. I don’t want to start a debate here, I’m sure Reddit has plenty. But I am curious, can we still be friends after this?

Making the bed is something I have done and will always do. Hell, I even make the bed at the hotel. It may not be the same gesture I do at home, but I at least pull up the sheets and the cover, and put the pillows back. I am sure the cleaning staff have even wondered if someone was even there. You’re welcome.

So with the fury and meanness going around the world with Covid, global warming, and if Friends or Seinfield was better, I suggest we stick to the simple question of if you make your bed or not. It’s harmless, fun, and who knows, maybe you will make a special friend that will be around in the morning to find out the truth to their answer.