Mother’s Day

To all the moms out there that sit in the hot sun watching a game you never played and yelling at a complete stranger about a rule you know nothing about, all for the sake of helping your kid win.

This day is for you!

To the mom that sits huddled in the corner of her small house listening to what could only be described as the dying sounds of a Yak as their precious child practices a musical instrument that you, dear mom, believe was created by the devil himself to drive you mad.

This day is for you!

To the wonderful mom that thinks the man at the liquor store is a saint due to the fact that he has yet to call DHS on you because this is the 3rd time in one week you have ran out of wine.

This day is for you!

To the mom that has stayed up late, unable to sleep because she is seriously debating the pro’s and con’s of actually killing her husband, who is leaving town again for a work meeting and leaving you with the kids and the twenty activities in twenty different locations this week. 

This day is for you!

For the friends of the above mentioned mom who are willing to help bury the body of the above mentioned, maybe soon to be murdered dad….you go girls!!!!

To the moms out there that pat their pockets and say “sorry kid, mommy’s all out of F#(k$” next time the kids are crying about how unfair she is being.

This day is for you!

To the mom that if given the choice between kissing her husband or a cup of coffee in the morning, you chooses coffee.

This day is for you!

To the mom that looks at their children and silently does the math in your head of how many more years until they move out of the house?

This day is for you!

To the sweet little mom that watches the murder documentary shows on Netflix partially because you are getting ideas of what to do with anyone that may ever harm your children. 

This day is for you!

To the mom that has had to create a make shift diaper out of whatever, because “someone”, not you of course, forgot to replace the diapers in the bag after they used them.

This day is for you!

To the mom that has ever used the words “do you have kids?” When she is about to momsplain the finer points of why she is right and the idiot person she is about to make cry is wrong.

This day is for you!

To the mom that goes into graphic detail of the pain and misery, that is childbirth, when her child is complaining about the small cut they have on their hand.

This day is for you!

To the mom that has worn mismatching shoes and outfits to work because she has to get dressed in the dark because her beloved kids refused to go to sleep the night before and she is squeezing every little ounce of sleep out of them now.

This day is for you!

To the mom that knows every word to every song ever created by Disney, but also has room in her memory to belt out Salt N Peppa.

This day is for you!

To all the moms that have ever said “F#(k it, I ain’t doing no more laundry today, let’s just go buy new stuff….oh, and more coffee and wine”

This day is for you!

Happy Mother’s Day to all you crazy moms out there, you are the gravity that holds the universe together.