Death of a Salesman

No one really knows what to say in moments like these. There really are no words to use to convey what one feels, nor are there any words strong enough to bring any sort of comfort. I’m sorry, just doesn’t do it. I tell the person at the grocery store who I just accidentally bumped in to “I’m sorry”, so how is this phrase of apology even remotely significant to bring any sort of solice to someone who has just lost a loved one. 

And to top it all off, we often want to say “I’m sorry for your loss”. Like this is any better or makes any more sense than just saying I’m sorry. You did’t lose your husband, you are a person of faith and he was too. You know exactly where he is right now, and even though we spend our entire Earthly existence trying to land a spot in our Heavenly one, knowing where they are doesn’t help ease the damn pain of knowing where they are not.

They are not at home, they are not on the other side of the bed in the middle of the night when you need to talk. They are not at the games or the practices. They are not on the other side of the phone, telling you about the day they had and eagerly awaiting to hear about the day you had. They are not in a physical space to see them, but they take up the entirety of your heart to where you always feel them, and right now all those memories are rushing in so fast, that the heart you have that is already broken now feels like it is going to explode.

The loss of love is perhaps the hardest thing in the world. The finding of it in the first place is perhaps the greatest. I wasn’t there when you two first met, nor was I at your wedding. I can only imagine the joy both of you had in your eyes during that first dance. I’m sure those were the happiest of moments, the moments that you have replayed dozens of times over and over these last couple days. The day your children were born, to see their bright faces, the scaredness of becoming a parent, the joy of becoming a family. That joy you had then, I hope and I pray, is the same joy you still feel when you think back to those days, even though the pain in you and your children’s hearts right now is immeasurable. 

You may have lost your husband and your friend, but you found him too, all those years ago, and he has brought you so much since then. The day I read the message about his passing, I shook and I cried. I cried for a man that I had not seen in years, that’s how far the waves of his being traveled. I don’t need to tell you the type of man he was, you know more than anyone of all his greatness. I can only tell you from someone that admired him from afar that he meant something to me too, that his little part of my existence mattered too. I could see the person he was, the respect he was given, the pictures of his happiness and the happiness he brought to you and the kids, and I too wanted to be like him, the type of person that could be loved by all and admired by his children. He wrote the playbook on how to be a man, and I eagerly read it, in hopes to being like him. And I am not alone in that. He had that type of impact on many, I hope you realize that. 

Your loss was everyone’s loss, and yet you are here to pick up the many shattered pieces that his death brought. And please know are not alone in the process. Many are here to help and to mourn with you. We can not stand in your shoes, but we will certainly sit with you in your pain, and we will be more than happy to walk with you in your journey. We will be here to tell the stories of a great man, and relive a life that is gone way too soon. But he lived, oh how he lived, and you were there to be part of it, the greatness that was him. You were the reason for his greatness, and he the reason for yours.

I know these words will not bring you great comfort, but I hope they will give you an idea of the impact your husband had to so many. He was a good man and all my memories of him are just that, good. May your memories of him always bring a tearful smile, and I pray peace to you and the kids. I will not say I am sorry, I will leave you with I am happy that you found each other and were able to build a wonderful life together. I am happy he is at peace now, and I pray that you are too. Your children are wonderful and I know they will miss their wonderful father. Tell them the stories, all the great, magical stories of him, and how he changed the world for the better, and by being like their father, they can too.